Monday, June 20, 2011

Responding to Criticism

Im getting better at dealing with criticism. There was a time in my life when a constructive word, however gently put, would depress me significantly. As I press closer to God he reveals to me that only HIS opinion is important, then the words of others affect my heart alot less. As it should be.
There is still a momentary desire to act impulsively and make it go away in whatever means possible. I'm a fixer, and a talker. I like to talk things through. But when criticism is offered, passed on, or delivered in whatever manner is chosen (polite or not!) i prefer now to wait until my flesh has gotten over the initial pain, then wait for God's voice.
Take for example last week.
 One of our regular members (who I actually like very much) passed on through her friend that she would no longer be attending youth, as she felt there were to many people there not coming to worship God. So here is my flash response. "Ring her up right now! Ask her what she thinks she was doing gossiping about how I run youth with other people. Who does she think she is to judge our ministry! Text her and use exclamation marks! Of course there is people there who aren't worshipping God its an OUTREACH ministry for goodness sake! Its evangelism! Pull her aside at church and demand an explanation!!"
In the past I would have found these responses very Godly, and acted immediately. However I left it alone, slept on it, prayed about it, gave my hurt to God, and didn't approach the person in question. I did however think about what was said. Of course she didn't deliver the criticism in a very mature way, she is after all, a teenage girl. But that doesn't matter. Maybe there is an element of truth in her words.
Is it a problem that the motivation of our youth members is for 50% of them, not about God? Do we offer them enough opportunities to experience God? To hear from his word? To get a touch from his spirit? To feel his love? I sat and thought about it, and I did actually come up with some fresh ideas for connecting the unchurched kids to God. A favourite verse segment, printed verses on the term program, mini scripture studies in connect groups, teaching leaders about love languages on training days. On the whole I think God is a huge part of our youth events. But I am pleased at more opportunities to bring him there.
One thing I like to remind myself, is sometimes criticism has a spiritual face. if we are warriors for God, and this is a spiritual war, Satan will use things that hurt our heart to do any damage he can to us and our ministry. Fortunately, God can use all things for good.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. Even the criticism of teenage girls.
So I could have ranted and raved, damaged my relationship with this truly lovely Christian girl, let my hurt cloud my potential for improvement. Instead I sought God's direction and used these words to do a ministry check. And found potential and improvement.
I still hope her words were just impulsive and she will be back at youth next Friday night. I'm praying that for whatever she decides that it will bring her closer to God. And maybe if the situation comes up I might have a peaceful little talk with her, completely motivated by my love for her and God now.  And possibly even thank her for her criticism, and the growth it gave our youth ministry. Wow, I'm growing up!

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