Tough Love

I used to be a Kindergarten teacher. Really. I managed to take 25 four and five year olds, many of whom had never had any structured school experience, and turn them into students. They learnt taking turns, speaking respectfully, listening and general associated behaviours that are acceptable in the classroom environment.

Now I am a youth pastor, and I have older children, who have been in structured environments for years and know what is expected of them. So being very new to this game this is what I insisted on from the start, polite, respectful behaviour, in all circumstances.

I had NO IDEA that this wasn’t the norm, but apparently, it’s not. I’ve been visiting and interacting with other youth groups, and I have to be completely honest, I have to very firmly suppress the urge to go over and give a rude obnoxious teenage girl who is talking loudly during the message the sharp edge of my tongue. It’s like disciplining someone else’s child. It feels wrong.

I know other youth leaders have seen my firm methods and haven’t approved. I have even heard teenagers who have visited from other youth groups saying “What’s her problem?” loud enough so I can hear after youth. Even some kids from within have voiced displeasure at the hard line I take. Yet our youth continues to flourish and grow.

I’m not saying that my discipline methods are the answer to growth. But what I DO think is right is that having high expectations of good behaviour in youth is not going to impair growth in your youth group.

Yes I have had to exclude some kids whose behaviour continues to detract from our vision. Yes I have asked some kids to leave, even banned some. But I always make a way for them to come back. And most times, they do.

Jesus was pretty tough too. I’d call him a disciplinarian. He turned tables on those who were acting inappropriate in the temple. While I have not included furniture flipping in my methods I am firm. Kids come here to worship, to learn, to meet Jesus, even if they don’t know it. The ones whose behaviour gets in the way of it, well… there’s the door. It’s not like school; I don’t have to have them there. Youth is a privilege.

Yes I know, I’m drawing a bit of a line in the sand. I’d love to hear what you think.